Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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