She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
