As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
