you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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