I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
