the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
