it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
