John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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