she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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