HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
