I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize