You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize