I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
