pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
