whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
