I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
