Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
