...so i touched it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
