that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my poor anus
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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