Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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