Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
