Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
