why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
