I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize