I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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