dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
