I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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