will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
