3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
where does the pee come out of this thing
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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