winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
