When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
