Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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