i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
