it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
