Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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