Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
