in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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