he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
