I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
