i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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