i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Boobs speak an international language.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
