I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I came so hard my ears popped.
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