somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
