This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
