Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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