Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
