My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
