I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
