an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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