Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
