considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
