and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize