you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
