We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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