Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
