how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
