i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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