I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
