I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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