My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
