I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
