so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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