Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
