Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
