maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
