so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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