Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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