Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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