i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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