If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
