sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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