we're chasing vodka with high fives
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
