i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
