If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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