I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
