I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
