i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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