officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
