I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
