why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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