we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
