We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
