I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
