I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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