The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
