Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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