My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
