Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize