you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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