dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
