im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize