I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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