why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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