Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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