Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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