you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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