Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How external is "for external use only"?
I wish there were birth control emojis
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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