after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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