mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize