I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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