it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
