Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
