In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Where is the hickey?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
