Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
