somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
