some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
