Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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