What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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